Put another way, what is the meaning of life?
I’m reading Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn – a beautiful book of reflections on meditation, presented in bite-sized 1-2 page chunks. The chunk I read today is titled “A What-Is-My-Way? Meditation” and it resonated with this walking wandering soul enough that I unpacked it in my journal, and am sharing it here. I’ve put bits of Kabat-Zinn’s writing into pull-quotes below with my own little responses (with some art, naturally 🙂 ).
As with anything in the meditation practice, we just watch, listen, note, let be, let go, and keep questioning the question…”What is my Way?” “What is my path?” “Who am I?”
Perhaps I am obsessive but this the inquiry I make every single day. Each morning, to wake up and immediately be curious, to go make the coffee, sit down, and ask myself these questions. Grab a journal and at the top of the page ask, “What is my Way? What is my Path? Who am I?” And to sit with these. Sometimes on a large, abstract, meaning-of-life scale. Most times, in the ordinary day-to-day anxieties, calendar checking, personal budget crunching, and the to-do list that I will inevitably fail at. In the moment, it matters, and is inspiring. Whatever it is and however un-profound it seems, all I do, all my thoughts and actions, are hopefully a reflection of these questions. At least, may there be some fragment of alignment in my actions.
The intention here is to remain open to not knowing, perhaps allowing yourself to come to the point of admitting, “I don’t know,” and then experiment with relaxing a bit into this not-knowing instead of condemning yourself for it.
Yes. The ‘not-knowing’ is baked in on all the levels. But, to shift that slightly, it’s that each day, each moment, I am somewhat different. I’ve moved. Shifted. A little older. Maybe wiser? Ha. More open, hopefully. Expanding – as openness and unknowing do – these postures grow our capacity (I hope) to receive more diverse expressions of God/Universe/Source than we could before. More than if I’d landed on some kind of answer.
Someone recently said to me that a part of them, when it came to their spiritual journey, was “dying.” Yes, parts of us die in this process, that are not open to growth, change, and the Infinite that always surrounds us. That can be uncomfortable. Painful, even. But if allowed, it invites us into expansiveness. Not-knowing is the imaginal state of the pupae in the cocoon, the possibility of emerging as a butterfly.
Inquiry and investigation of this kind can give rise to openings, to new understandings and visions and actions. Inquiry takes on a life of its own after awhile. It permeates the pores of your being and breathes new vitality, vibrancy, and grace into the bland, the humdrum, the routing. Inquiry will wind up ‘doing you’ rather than you doing it.
God, yes. What is my path but a continual line of inquiry? Who am I? What is this? Where does it lead? Endless investigation and possibility on this spiritual path. No need to call it spiritual – just, this path. The path we are each on, our own. What is it to be alive? And slowly realizing this inquiry is taking us, carrying us, along an ever-unfolding path into a greater landscape, a larger wilderness, while our old notions of who we are fall away, as too our bodies slowly decay. And this path leads us right to our own deaths – – – and beyond it. Because what is available to us to examine, investigate, learn about, and understand on this path is perpetually renewing all the time. To look into “the shimmering weave on the loom of the world” as beautifully noted in a poem by Czeslaw Milosz.
Can we be in touch with our own unfolding? Can we rise to the all-too-fleeting occasion of our own humanity, recognizing our intrinsic goodness, and strengths, and our beauty? Can we take on the challenges we meet, even seeking them out in a principled way, to be true to ourselves, to find our own Way and ultimately not only have it but, more importantly, live it?
Put simply, the answer to the question, what is the meaning of life – – – might be to simply live your life as awake to its daily moments as you can possibly be. For each moment, or one moment – whatever attention you can bring to your day. You’ll be distracted, pulled away, probably frustrated at times, or even despair. The next day – this day – is another opportunity to try.
A little blessing for you who read this far: I pray that in this day, you (yes, YOU) find new depths in your own inquiries, as you find your own way. I pray for trust, and faith, in the happenings of your day as they unfold – both the good parts and the challenges – as meaningful opportunities to practice curiosity and compassion towards yourself and towards others. I pray that you can embrace and celebrate your heart-expansions, and approach your difficulties with tenderness. And I pray that you might experience greater capacity for wonder and love, as the things that are truly You expand and grow through the nourishing of this great inquiry that is the daily, moment-by-moment, examination of where you are and where you are going.