Painting completed July 2025, oil, 14” x 18”
I’ve been thinking about what they are supposed to ‘do’. What is their affect? Why am I making them? They aren’t meant to be important, or say anything profound. I’m feeling less “strivey.”I am playing with paint, mixing color, adding shape and responding visually to what’s happening.
My recent artmaking the past several months has been as communing-with-love – setting aside the inner critic, letting go of their need to do anything important, and just enjoying the making of them. Because since I was 3 years old doodling in Dr. Seuss books, I have loved drawing, painting. Because I love mountains, either up-close or far away. Mountains hint at liminal space, between ground and sky. Sometimes on a mountain I lie on my back, look up at the sky, beyond what I can see, and feel a sense of floating. The veil is thinner. Rising. In and out of body but up, and out, and through. But also, to feel on the tip of this very tiny orb of a planet, hurtling through an unfathomable void. I can feel the sense of that collective hurtling – like you feel on a turbulent airplane and become aware you are careening through the sky at 600mph. For me, it is not a comfortable sensation! It is white-knuckle gripping the armrests. And there’s nothing I can do but feel that lack of control. Spiritual vertigo.
I can’t control most things, but I can sit quietly at an easel and do a thing with my time that feels…more present. Experience a sense of freedom, and also vastness. Better than doomscrolling, anyway.
The zeitgeist is, let’s face it, noisy, stupid, and joyless. I can’t make it different or wish that away. So I’m attempting to live the opposite – to practice quiet, find wisdom, and live joyfully. A painting has always offered me quiet and stillness (mostly others’ paintings). Wise? I don’t know, time will tell. Joyful – well, a splash of color never made me feel bad!
Making these paintings has been kind of a balm, an oasis, a respite – from the other stuff the world shoves at us. That is their invitation for me. I hope for you too – that you find things, anything (poems, art, music) that help you experience quiet in your life, grant wisdom, and feel joy.
